Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
