she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
