I'm so fucking centered right now
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
