I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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