then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
