VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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