***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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