he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
