I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
