guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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