She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
this just has baby written all over it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
