You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
