Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
