i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
