Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
