drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
