You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I want to make a zoo with you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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