Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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