so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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