I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
