This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
