God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
