no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
