New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
