Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
