there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
