is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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