dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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