Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
