She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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