we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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