I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
