I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
