if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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