You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
