dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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