my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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