Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
