her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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