fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
