She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
