i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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