Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
