hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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