I think I am morally bankrupt
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
