He uses pillows to masturbate.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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