apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So much Jack, so little girl.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
