I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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