I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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