everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
