i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
