man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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