My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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