You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
