So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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