my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
