he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
