I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
